Inspire Daily– ed.2

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If you’ve ever tackled a big piece of work… this is a constant issue, am I right!?

Whether it’s a whole freaking novel being birthed from your brain, or a 40×60 painting etc… finding the inspiration to keep going strong for the hours or weeks or months or years it takes to push that baby out can be one of the toughest roadblocks.

I’ve spent years in the past waiting for the moment it feels right to write Aubrey’s story… begin that novel… make that art piece etc. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned through those experiences, its that there will never BE a right time. 

The best times of my life have happened when I am dedicated enough show up in my own life daily and make something happen, whether I feel like it or not. So let us continue to have the courage to look inwards, acknowledge our dreams, and make daily baby steps through self made inspiration… walking together all the way 🙂 Let us support each other.

Yours always,

~Fioza

 

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Because you love me…

“No matter where you go in life… I know you will do great things”

He turned to me and smiled assuredly– not a trace of doubt behind those words he had spoken. The strength he felt was contagious, and in that moment I knew I was ready to face anything college life would hand to me.

I turned around and left in pursuit of a psychology degree from Central Michigan University after that day. I left not only my dreams of being an artist or a writer behind… I left you.

..And you were right there when everything fell apart.

Because you love me… I can be.

 

   *        *        *

 

Gregory and I met in junior high. We were 11 or 12 at the time, and as preteens tend to be… I was wrapped up in myself all too much. So it wasn’t until our senior year of High School that I truly appreciated him.

You broke down my walls.

My boyfriend of four years left to attend Michigan State University and halfway to graduation I discovered he was cheating on me. We had been in marching band together… and a majority of our friends were shared between us and gotten through the music program. Shocked by the revelation, my friends stayed silent and gave me space… unable to find the words to comfort me.

Of course this is the last thing I wanted… feeling lonelier than I had felt since puberty first hit, but it is how it happened. Shortly after, my grandfather died. And after that… my uncle passed, only in his forties after a two year long struggle with overcoming addiction tired him to his end.

 

  *          *         *

 

And you were the only one who approached me.

Every day, Gregory would come to my locker after the final class bell rang. Every day, he would ask me to walk home with him. And every day, the loneliness faded further and further away.

He wasn’t like everyone else I had met. He was sincere… unafraid to look into my eyes, call me out on my lies, and speak honestly and rawly about the pain I was feeling. I had never had anyone care for me so purely, and I had absolutely no idea how to respond to it.

So we spent a few hours each day after school together, but never dared speak aloud the words that captured what we meant to each other.

 

*         *         *

So when the time came to pursue our futures, I left with the girl I called my best friend to chase a degree she loved since I had been told time and time again that nothing good could come from my passions besides a hobby. And eventually… my fake reality came to an end.

” You never made me happy!” she shouted

“Please don’t leave” I pleaded in the middle of campus square as she turned her back on seven years of friendship.

“Or you’ll what? Kill yourself because you’re so miserable!? I wish you would… this world would be abetter place if you did.”

And just like that started the longest bout of soul searching and pain I had ever encountered.

It took only a week to realize I didn’t want to be there without her… and that I wanted nothing to do with psychology. Not to mention, the college campus I had once looked at as a beacon of hope for my future now stood as a grimacing and haunting reminder of a past I could never return to.

I dropped out of CMU and came back home to pursue a degree in arts and storytelling. I could not have prepared myself for how simultaneously painful and liberating the journey ahead would be.

*         *         *

Yet as soon as I needed you… you appeared. 

Despite the fact that I had taken him for granted and left him behind… Gregory was right there to confide in and comfort me through yet another crisis. And there he stayed, by my side through 5 boyfriends and more premature deaths than a family should encounter.

After years of being my best friend, Greg came out to me as being gay. Terrified that I would never think the same of him again, I hugged him and for the first time felt like I could finally return even a sliver of the comfort he had provided to me throughout the years. That same night I admitted that my feelings for my old best friend extended past those of friendship and that it took me loosing her to figure it out.

From then on, our conversations deepened and so did our friendship. As time passed, I discovered that my feelings for Greg had grown immensely and that I desired to be more than just a friend. But knowing that this would not happen, I kept my feelings inside.

There were times I could no longer keep things inside, and I would end up blurting my feelings out like a klutz. I was sure that these times would scare him away… that my stupidity would ruin the best thing I had found in life. However, he never left my side. He simply told me not to apologize for my feelings and that it took more than that to scare him away.

You’re stuck with me

… he would say as if it was a curse. But it was and still remains the most comforting phrase he has ever spoken to me.

*         *         *

The passing of time revealed more than just memories made. As it turned out… wounds really can completely heal. Bitter memories can become sweet once again… and the impossible can happen.

Last year, during one of my blurts… Gregory revealed to me that he may have been wrong about his feelings towards me. He admitted that for about a year prior he had felt feelings similar to mine but had been too afraid to try to be together, thinking that it may not work out and could ruin our friendship.

So we gave it a try.

6 months ago we tentatively went into a new kind of relationship… and today we are inseparable.

He understand me like nobody else. With a personality torn by over 300 different characters, that’s saying a lot! I had never found anyone that could love every side of me and know them as well as I do. But today I have found that. He lets them live… and because of that I am free.

With a promise that we will be with each other forever, I am able to face my days with more happiness than ever before. Together, we grow and support each other the the best and worst of times.

I feel so blessed to have Gregory in my life.

…because you love me, I can be. 

Always yours

~Fioza

(Gregory will be joining Talking to Myselves as an author of the page as well, since we write together after all. I look forward to the dynamics he will bring and can’t wait for you to meet him!)

 

Inspire Daily #1

Every day, you beautiful people inspire me to go forth and do what I love. So every day… I’m going to inspire you back 🙂 Deal.

So today, Im gonna get you out of your rut! Who doesn’t like inspirational quotes to start the day?

Ok…get ready… the bombardment awaits!

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“The Earth is only a little dust under our feet” people!

And doubt is the #1 killer of dreams! Bonafide fact there… mhmmm.

We are writers, creators, dreamers and makers of the wildest of dreams. So let not this dust stop you from creating a world more beautiful than the one in front of your eyes.

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…So chase them! What are you waiting for? You have to be brave enough and bold enough to chase after those balloon dreams. I don’t know… they seem kinda intimidating to me but I believe in you!

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…and afterall, isn’t it crazier to NOT try? Think of all that’s at stake if you give up now.

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I know it seems like there’s no clear path ahead… no promise that you’ll get where you want to go… but you know the answers. Reach inside and ignore the external pressures of daily life and you will find without a doubt where you need to go. Your job now is to make sure those visions reach all of us because hell… they’ll be greatly missed if not.

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And make one I will. I hope you’ll follow me in blazing your own path through this beautifully hectic world of ours.

Take this inspiration and make today a day worth living.

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Always yours,

~Fioza

A world trapped inside

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I am not one– I am many

Woven together to create a mosaic identity

My eyes, imperfect mirrors reflecting only part

Of this consummate creation– the truths in my heart

~Fioza Leigh-Rhodes

Us writers are blessed with a single body that we must rely on to express vast spaces with even more vast personalities… but that’s why we write. 

For a long time, I got stuck on the idea of perfection. Unable to simply dump ideas and come back to them later, I edited as I wrote– scrutinized every word and stressed over every syllable. That is, until I found a quote from Pixar’s rules of storytelling:

“If it stays in your head, a perfect idea

You’ll never share it with anyone

~Pixar animation

After all… our words can’t reach a single soul or give a voice to our beloved characters if we never work to try.

So here’s my challenge to you. In a comment below geek out about a character! Whether they’re your original character or someone else’s, let go of the pressure and just have fun. Let us inspire one another and remind ourselves why we do what we do.

Tootles loves!

https://mic.com/articles/101740/the-22-rules-to-perfect-storytelling-according-to-pixar#.cF9FxLTgf

^Follow the link above to see the complete list of Pixar’s storytelling rules reblogged by Jared Keller and based off of Emma Coat’s 2012 tweets of wisdom gained from Pixar after years of working there.

This list has served as inspiration in the hardest of times throughout my years and I hope they can help you as well!